even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
