im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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