the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
