My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just had sex bonerless
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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