I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
