I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
