My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
