You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize