last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
