No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
