this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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