he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
