I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
