i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she woke up with a sticky ear
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.