She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.