i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
grandma shit on top of the toilet
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude