dude i'm inner monologue high
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He shit in the fireplace
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
