hell yes lets make some ravioli
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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