We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
