I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
