My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
