I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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