you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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