There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
