No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
