It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
