So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
