She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
