Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No subtext here. People are naked.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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