You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
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when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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