The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
