Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
