That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
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I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
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There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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