she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
