Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
