not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
