If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
