you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
