I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
