btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
50% drunk capacity currently
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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