the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
