I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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