The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
