Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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