apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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