I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
