What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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