Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
