i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
