btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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