Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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