Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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