I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
