is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
