Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
