You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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