Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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