he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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