i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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