i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
