If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
