no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
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Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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