so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
