it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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