but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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