Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
