Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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