How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
