I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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