I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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