My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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