the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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