Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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