its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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