No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
