i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
